Adventures in Home Working, Episode 1

ME: I THINK I MELTED THROUGH MY KEYBOARD AND FELL INTO THE MATRIX I DON’T KNOW HOW DO I TELL SHOULD I DO SOME KUNG FU?

HIM: You have to ask me to upload kung fu, of course

ME: oh yes. Import kung fu!

HIM: XTREEM TYPING

ME: MAKE SOME MOVES

HIM: Oh sorry. It seems I imported ‘Ministry of Silly Walks’ instead

ME: THIS TRIAL IS INCONCLUSIVE

 

I’d do some pictures but I am petulantly hot.

A bad egg?

humans vs rainforestAn issue where consumer action can have a real impact on the way things work.. Unsustainable palm oil is hidden in many products, and is directly responsible for the destruction of millions of acres of rainforest. Think happy orangutan* thoughts and avoid Easter eggs from bad people!
See here for a table listing the results of a survey on palm oil use in chocolate.

*and countless other less photogenic species, indigenous humans, general ecological damage, greenhouse gas emissions and PUPPIES**

**not puppies. Except indirectly.

O ran ge Broadband

I can barely even speak I am so outrageously angry with O Broadband’s customer ‘service’ so all I can say is DO NOT TOUCH THE LYING CRUNTS WITH A BARGEPOLE.

Oh they let you in alright. They let you in. That bit they can do fine.  Try leaving though.  TRY IT. OH IT DIDN’T WORK DID IT.

TRY AGAIN.

NOW TRY AGAIN.

TRY HARDER.

NOTE: The site is now banned from orange mobile devices because it contains ‘adult content’. Really? What would that be? OH IS IT A CRITICISM OF YOUR TERRIBLE SERVICE WOULD IT SCAR CHILDREN?

Sucker Punch – delve into THE MAKING OF!!

A film where absolutely nothing happens in a quite spectacular fashion. In tiny sailor outfits. With swords. Sometimes explosions. AND DRAGONS. Murdered dragons.

edit 14th March 2013: A bit late to the party for Tropes vs Women in Video Games Kickstarter by Anita Sarkeesian, and in fact never knowing about her excellent blog/webcast series Feminist Frequency. I had a wander through her archives and noticed this review of Sucker Punch. I also note from a bunch of the links that people are trying to say that Zach Snyder really really tried to make an empowered female character, he really did. I’m confused. How is an two hour rape fantasy that culminates in a lobotomy empowering? Please tell me because I missed some nuance somewhere, obviously. Maybe it was under one of the murdered baby dragons. As a side note, I am feeling shamed by my paltry output.

It may only be 99p to rent, but it’s two hours of your life you will never get back.

 

Frank Miller reference FYI (this image is all over the interwebs, I’ve no idea who to attribute it to).

‘but they kick ass’ is not an acceptable defence

How to be a letting agent!

Here are some handy tips on working in a letting agents I have deduced from my experiences as a landlord.

First – know your competition

My letting agent’s recruitment process:

  1. Go to Renoirs, get drunk
  2. Canvas women with leggings and high heels, find unemployed ones
  3. Ask a series of challenging questions such as
      1. 2+3=?

    and

    1. if your trousers are on fire do you
      a: piss yourself
      b: polish your nails and blame men for all the ills of the world or
      c: email someone to quote for fire retardant hats
  4. Declare that they are all hired and pass out in a pool of vomit.

Once you are hired

What, you want more? There’s nothing to it! Sit around and answer the phone occasionally. There are loads of people to blame your shortcomings on, and the landlords will eventually tell you what needs to be done with handy bulleted lists. Sometimes people might get narky but that’s just the way the industry works. Enjoy!

p.s. thanks for the money, and f*ck you too.

Adobe ebook DRM crazymadness solution

adobe digital editions is a piece of shit
I could not agree more.
  1. I have to install a special program to view it?
  2. It is not compatible with Stanza* (see comments from Neelan Choksi), the best ebook reader ever – although less happy for their prospects since they sold out to Amazon.. Oh Kindle for iPhone. How sad you make me. Not quite as sad as iBooks. But pretty sad.
  3. It takes THREE BILLION YEARS to download a POCKET edition of a book?
  4. I have to install some random extra product to my iphone (after a non trivial search to find the goddamned thing in the first place) to view it?

What. The. Shit.

 

*Note the dearth of development since the buyout. And it is still better than the Kindle app by roughly one million miles of subjective value distance.